One nice feature of screenwriting software is how it can aid in tracking scenes – allowing scene-specific text, providing scene reports and even providing the option to print scene cards. Scene cards allow you to look at the flow of the story, reorder, remove and find gaps. I have typically used hand-written index cards because sometimes the scene information that is automatically included in the software card isn’t clear enough (and usually I didn’t manually enter enough information to be helpful). I’m sure that all roles involved in film rely on the scene cards a lot, but I am focusing on the writer. This writing tool would likely be useful for playwrights and novelists, as well.
Recently, I started using this tool again for my current rewrite. First, I ran through my script and marked all of the scenes and numbered them. Second, I made a card for each scene, then grouped them by storyline. This was hard at times because most of my storylines are fairly intertwined.
Next, I marked each with a ‘-‘ or ‘+’ for the change in the main character (of the storyline) energy/emotion charge of the scene. If there wasn’t one, I marked an ‘o’ – knowing I’d probably need to remove, change or replace the scene.
Later, I took advantage of the large tables at the community center, where my daughter is taking a class, to lay out the storyline cards. I made storyline “header” cards, in green. I then faked a timeline, and spaced the cards according to time passing.
This exercise helped locate several issues and opportunities for different flow. As I walked through the sequence, I started eliminating cards, marking some for edits, and putting in new placeholder cards (yellow). To preserve the timeline, I made purple cards to demarcate time (Day 1, Day 2, Week later, etc), and then stacked the whole story up in the new order. On the back, I noted the new order number.
Today, I’m now using the cards to make modifications in Final Draft. Some scenes are just placeholders, to be written after the restructuring. After I do the writing edits, I’ll do an overall analysis and check the state of the rewrite.
For this exercise, I elected to read a script for a movie I have not yet seen, so that I can see how the movie played out compared to my read. This analysis will have two posts. Part 1, below, will be my analysis of the script itself, and the next post, Part 2, will be my comments after viewing the film.
Please remember, my intent with these script review posts will be to point out the things I thought were notable – unique aspects of the script or story based on my (albeit novice) experience and as seen from my eyes.
Part 1 – The Read
Why
I picked this script because of the title and the fact that I had not yet seen the movie (or read the book). In fact, I had forgotten hearing or seeing anything about it. While I have since looked at the IMDB listing to check the user rating and other details. You can find the script online (http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/free-script-downloads/).
Story
Young Craig is caving under the pressures of the expectations of his current academic path and the awkward situation of being in love with his best friend’s girl. Fearing his ongoing and escalating suicidal feelings, he seeks admission to the hospital for treatment. The story was written for the screen by Ryan Fleck & Anna Boden, based on the novel by Ned Vizzini.
Genre
The movie is listed several ways on the major sites: “Comedy-drama”, “Art House”, “Drama”, and the trifecta “Comedy-drama-romance.” One could even give it a nod as a coming-of-age drama, so possibly this movie is trying to be everything.
Art House – After wading through a few pretentious article on what constitutes an Art film, and the state of the art film today, I did find a good source linked from Wikipedia topic “Art film”. In the article by Lindsay Steenberg, actually referring to one of the references, we find an informative view on what the art film is:
Bordwell further describes the structuring basis of the art cinema as based on “‘objective’ realism, ‘expressive’ or subjective realism, and narrational commentary.” In brief, the art cinema relies on a recognizable authorial voice (or narrational commentary), self-reflexive stylistic choices, causal gaps in the narrative, episodic structure, ambiguity in reading, and a plot which relies on complex psychology rather than goal fixated action to provide forward momentum.
Drama – If drama is meant to show us characters as we would like to be, whereas comedy is meant to show how we really are (per our excellent teacher, Steve Kaplan), then we are inclined to classify this script as a drama. Even though we don’t necessarily hope to land in the mental hospital, we may hope that 1) we would be strong enough to seek help and admit ourselves before taking drastic steps, just as Craig did, and 2) we would maintain a caring and pleasant attitude such as Bobby’s, if we found ourselves in his situation.
Comedy – While there are humorous lines, I don’t really see the typical comic conventions in this film, so I think it’s a stretch to put it in this category. If I’m in the mood for a comedy, and someone recommends this movie, I’m not satisfied at the end. In fact, it seems a bit odd that we are supposed to take Craig’s situation as serious, but also be encouraged to laugh at his fellow patients.
Romance – While there are two key romantic sub-plots, I would hesitate to refer to this as a romance. The thin-ness of the two connections may actually be good representation of teen love, however.
General Structure
The script is at 115 pages, for the copy that I have. The movie clocks in at 1:41.
The setup of the situation and scenario runs until Craig is resolved to spend the minimum 5 days in the hospital; this covers the first 22 pages.
The journey for Craig lasts most of the five days, until he gets the turning words of wisdom from Bobby, which is on page 93 (71 pages).
From here, it’s a quick run through tying up loose ends and getting Craig out (22 pages).
Because of the schema we are dealing with, I’m not forming an opinion on the ratio of the sections.
Notable Script Tidbits
Voice Overs – Given the storyline is in the psychology of Craig, it makes sense that there is a heavy dose of voice overs. In reading, I have become concerned it will be too much. It will be interesting to see how it plays out on the screen.
Dream sequence, Flashbacks and Fantasy – Again, because we are really going through the story with full access of Craig’s point of view, we also wander through his thoughts in these varying forms. Technically, even within the same variation type the directives are noted a bit inconsistently (leaving me to wonder if it is intentional or not). One of the markings isn’t clear to me, where each step is marked with a reverse order letter with an ID which seemed to correspond to nothing (Possibly scene? But the number seems high…see page 35).
Supers – These are used to help keep the user oriented to the timeline and what is real.
Insert – This was a shot directive, used a few times. It is not one I see used often.
Speaking of scenes, I’d be interested to see how the non-current-day pieces are included in the scene counting.
Dialogue
The characters do seem to have their own voices. A few things stand out to me:
The interaction with the parents seems authentic. The sort of obliviousness to the severity of the situation, the roles each parent plays, and the relation of the concern for the sister.
I think the writers do a nice job with the play between Craig and Noelle, mostly in the beginning.
The other is that the difference between Bobby, Craig and Noelle and the other patients in the way they speak demonstrated they were in different parts of the spectrum.
Review
The premise is understandable: Teens dealing with pressure and not wanting to fail, the stress one feels, falling for a best friend’s significant other. While I can see the transitions and identify transformational scene, it feels a bit forced, and overall a bit shallow of a story. There are all of these touch points with people with real problems, but we don’t get deep enough, really, with anyone to truly achieve empathy or understand how the triggers really come to have impact. Even with Craig, we understand the idea of what makes him decide to stop the track he’s on, but we don’t buy into it fully. Same can be said with suddenly getting over Nia. I am hoping that the acting and directing help elevate the script, but seeing how little there is to work with, I’m not optimistic that this will happen.
I chose Ted Griffin’s Ocean’s Eleven as my first script review because it was the first one I purchased in hard copy. That purchase pushed me into trying my hand at screenwriting. I know that the version of the script I have is not final because there are many differences between what I have and what you see in the final cut (it also has Steve Carpenter as the writer – Griffin is listed as revisions writer, and the credited writer on IMDB).
My intent with these script review posts will be to point out the things I thought were notable – unique aspects of the script or story based on my (albeit novice) experience and as seen from my eyes.
The main reason I thought it would be interesting to read this script is the timing aspect. That much of the movie is the setup but it is only when the heist actually starts that we understand exactly how they are going to do it. None come to mind but I seem to recall there are heist movies that let you in on the plan, and where the risks are, so you have to watch it play out and see if those risks become issues to bear. The other reason I love this movie and script, is the dialogue. So many efficient exchanges. Finally, I think they do a good job at making the film funny not cheesy.
General Structure
It’s a long script, at 143 pages. To me, the story seems to be laid out like this:
The initial heist partnership setup and recruiting take place over the first 48 pages. I think this is Act I.
The heist preparation and setup with Tess cover the next 46 pages, concluding Act II.
The Third Act consists of the actual heist and aftermath are over pages 94-143.
I struggled to decide if the first part of the heist is in Act II. I think it neatly goes into Act III but that Act then takes half of the time. Given the ratio of setup (94 pages) to heist (49) is about 2:1, you have to wonder if too much time is spent on the entire setup, or if all of that is needed for the audience to be rooting for the crew to succeed.
Heist Genre
It seems that with the heist, it is important to make sure the audience roots for the crew, or at least doesn’t mind the victim being robbed. I think Ocean’s Eleven does both.
We get to know each character as humans doing a job, so we want them to succeed. We also don’t think they will be dangerous criminals. In fact, there is a point where Rusty and Danny talk about the rules:
“Rust, when we started in this business, we had three rules. We weren’t gonna hurt anybody. We weren’t gonna steal from anybody didn’t have it coming.”
“And we were gonna play the game list we had nothing to lose.”
For the second part – not minding that the victim gets robbed – well, we are talking about a casino. In fact, three casinos. People like to gamble but don’t like losing money to the house. The audience won’t feel bad that the house gives some back here.
What’s is interesting in Ocean’s Eleven, is that while we come to respect the work ethic of Benedict and see that he does seem to care and try to be good to Tess, we also see his true colors as a casino owner and business man. Again, we don’t mind seeing him lose here.
Notable Script Tidbits
– Quick exposition – While Danny is waiting for Frank to join him, he’s looking at the newspaper, which also informs us about man we later learn is the target (Terry) and the disgruntled-man-turned-Ocean-partner (Reuben). Included but unnamed in the picture is Tess. The fact that this is in the newspaper means these are recent events, at least between Terry and Reuben.
– Flashbacks to failed casino robberies – I love that Reuben doesn’t just talk about the prior attempts, there are quick snippets of flashbacks to emphasize the point. The efforts are futile.
– Recruiting – As I mentioned, I do think how each person is convinced to join this crazy mission gets screen time because helps us understand more about that specific character and their role. We become more invested in the success of the criminal crew.
– Setup makes you sweat – I love that just the setup of the heist poses a few moments of risk that keep you on edge – when Roscoe gets into the IT center, for example. When Saul first approaches Benedict about storing something important in the casino safe, for another.
Dialogue
Rusty and Danny
One of the best scenes has two people but only one of them speaks.
“Ten should do it, don’t you think?
You think we need one more?
You think we need one more.
Okay, we’ll get one more.”
There are also two scenes that I love and for which I’m grateful there are snips on YouTube.
Tess and Danny
The dialogue between these two, throughout the film, is fantastic. It’s reminiscent of older romance films in the efficiency and cleverness of the quips.
“You know what your problem is?”
“I only have one?”
Rusty and Linus
The second great exchange is when Rusty is coaching Linus. The completely unhelpful contradicting advice from Rusty which ends in a desperate Linus waiting for Rusty to tell him the most important thing.
“Be funny but don’t make him laugh.”
Comedy
One thing that Ocean’s Eleven does, that so many caper films don’t, is to be funny without seeming cheesy. The one liners scattered throughout make it even more fun for audiences.
The story starts with Danny Ocean getting out of prison. On his way out he receives his divorce papers. When the mail prisoner asks him what the mail is about, Danny says “I’m a free man.”
When Danny crashes Rusty’s poker lesson, when asked about his line of work, Danny provides a vague answer and mentions that “Of late, I’ve been lucky to get an hour a day outside of the office.”
At the same game, Rusty’s student thinks he won the hand with “All reds!”
Reuben makes a cliche line funny – “Look, we all go way back, I owe you from the thing with the guy with the place.”
Describing casino security, Reuben says “They got enough armed personnel to occupy Paris. Okay, bad example…”
I could go on and on.
We also take joy in the goofy play between Virgil and Turk, the stress of neurotic Roscoe, watching old timer Saul deal with being back in the business and Linus moving into the big leagues.
Summary
I believe the characteristics of the Ocean’s Eleven rewritten script mentioned above are what make it a really enjoyable one. The facts that the movie was also directed well, scored well and had a host of recognizable, talented folks in the cast all came together to make a great movie.
the clever script 